Home
by RebelSugarcube
Summary: What happens when Bucky gains his memory back? Nightmares,that is what happens. Bucky has terrible nightmares about his past and there is only one person who can help him, his best friend, Steve.


Okay, first of all I want to say: hello! It is the first time I write a fanfiction and the first time I decide to upload it here on . Usually I just like to read and review other fics, but I finally decided to write one of my own. Even tough it is only one shot, it was really hard, I had to think for weeks until I finally decided to write something. Yeah, Stucky. I love these two, it was really fun to write this!

Warning: This fic is loaded with cuteness!

Just kidding. I'll stop writting now. If you liked it, please review. Your opinion is very important.

* * *

 _"_ _There are many who don't wish to sleep for fear of nightmares. Sadly, there are many who don't wish to wake for the same fear."_

It happened again, five nights in a row, but a six time now, he could not believe it was possible. Six nights, Bucky has not been able to sleep for six nights in a row, and there was only one reason: nightmares. The thing is that they are not only nightmares, but memories. Bucky started to remember events about his life as a sergeant, as a normal person, but he also started to remember all what he had done as the Winter Soldier. But why until now they started to haunt him? He had gained most of his memory months ago.

 _I did that. I killed you, and you._ Bucky thought, at that moment he despised HYDRA more than he had in his whole life. Thanks to them, he couldn't be a normal person, he was just an assassin, thanks to them he has not been able to sleep for almost a week. Two nights ago he had a nightmare about the time he fell from the train. _I should have died there, I wouldn't be suffering so much right now._ He tried to read books of these doctors, _what was their name?_ _ah, psychologists_. Several times he had considered visiting one of them, but psychologists only listen to your problems and worst fears, they can't fix them or tell you how to move on with your life. But what would a psychologist say if one day an assassin entered his office asking for help. Not only would he call the police, but he will probably end up in a mental hospital where psychiatrists would tell him he is crazy-

But Bucky is not crazy, those nightmares are his reality.

 _Fuck this shit,_ Bucky thought. There is only one person who can help him, and that person is not a doctor, nor a scientist. _He is my best friend._ He was the first person he had remembered, and he could not stop thinking about him. Bucky grabbed his coat and his glove, to hide his metal arm, grabbed his backpack and a cap. He had to find him. Before he left his hiding place only one word escaped his mouth:

"Steve."

...

 _"_ _It's getting the right person that's the challenge."_

It was not difficult to find Steve's place, one visit to the museum and he knew exactly where to go. He wondered if Steve's home was also crowded with people. Fans and cops, maybe. Bucky thought he would found a big house with fancy things, instead, he found a nice little apartment, perfect for one person to live in. Bucky entered through the window, the lights were turned off, perhaps Steve was not home, probably saving the world with the help of his powerful friends. He turned a light on, Bucky found himself in the kitchen, everything was clean. Bucky started to remember Steve's place in Brooklyn, _he loved his home_. Bucky remembered how Steve's eyes would shine with pride whenever someone asked him where was he from.

 _Brooklyn_

Steve was still a skinny boy at that time. _Where has time gone by?_ Bucky thought, he left the kitchen and entered the living room, he left his backpack on the couch. He started to examine the living room, he found some drawings, _so he still draws._ Bucky remembered Steve's sketchbook, he was so talented, he could draw simple doodles that will look like a masterpiece _. He is still talented_ , Bucky found two drawings: a tree and a window through the one a sunset could be seen. Bucky wondered what those drawings meant, _focus_ he told to himself, he had come here for one reason. Bucky turned off the lights and decided to wait for Steve.

…...

Steve got home two hours later, it was past midnight. He entered the apartment and the first thing he saw was a backpack on the couch, _that is not mine,_ he thought. There was someone here, and he was decided to find that person. It was not a difficult task because that person was sitting on the table, it was a man. The lights were still off, but the table was near the window and the moonlight shined directly into the man's eyes showing a crystal clear blue.

 _Those eyes,_ _I know only one person with those blue eyes._

Steve immediately turned the lights on.

"Bucky" he said.

Bucky stared directly at Steve, it had been a long time since he last saw him. _Oh shit,_ Bucky thought, he had not planned how to start a conversation with him. Should he say hello? Or should he simply say ' _Hey Steve, I'm here because you are the only person who can help me with my nightmares. Can you help me please?' ._ Instead, he decided to start with a question.

"Where were you?" he said

Steve laughed, "So now you are interested to know where do I spent my Friday nights?"

"You were never a person who liked to come home late, especially not at night." Bucky said.

Steve putted a hand on his hip and stared at him, he couldn't believe it _Bucky was here!_ He had been trying to find him for a long time and finally he appeared at his home.

"That is not important now. I'm-" _happy to see you because, no, more than happy. Because I have been looking for you._ "-glad to see you are fine" Steve said.

"I know you are, and I know that you and your friend have been trying to find me" Bucky said with a grin on his face.

Steve remembered that time in Tony's party when Sam had told him. Sam was also trying to help Steve find Bucky.

"Well, you are the kind of person that doesn't like to be found." Steve said as he sat in the table with Bucky. There was an awkward silence until Steve spoke again

"Buck, I'm glad to see you here, you should know that. All this time trying to find you and finally, you appear at my home in the middle of the night. It is not a coincidence, but somehow I always knew that the only way to find you, was you finding me; which is not a difficult job, by the way. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't something important. Is someone following you? Have you discovered important information that I should know? Why are you here Buck?"

"Steve, you always know what to say. Always trying to help people-" Bucky said looking at Steve's eyes, a deep blue. Steve was the only person he knew who had those eyes. He had to tell him "I'm here, because I need your help. I don't care if you think its stupid or if you think I am weak or pathetic. You are the only person who can help me"

"You know I will never think you are stupid, weak or pathetic." Steve said with a smile on his face.

It felt so natural, so good to be talking with him. _And it has always been like this_ , Bucky thought, there was nothing better than to talk with your best friend.

"Tell me what's bothering you, I can help." Steve said

Bucky sighed," I haven't been able to sleep in…" how many time had passed? It was six days since he had last counted, and since he had decided to look for Steve's help. Bucky had stopped counting, it could be weeks, months now. "… a long time. Remember how I always said nightmares were stupid? Not anymore, nightmares are the reason I can't sleep, not only nightmares, since I gained my memories back, they haunt me and make me feel..guilty"

Steve just looked at him.

"Its okay if you decide not to help me, but if you can't help me; then, no one can." Bucky said as he took his cap off, he had completely forgotten he was still wearing it.

"Don't say those things, of course I can help you. What kind of person would I be if I didn't help my best friend." Steve said as he placed one of his hands in Bucky's shoulder-

"What kind of person would you be if you help an assassin?" Bucky said coldly, not even looking at him.

"A good person. Okay, I am not an expert but I will try to help you in every possible way I can, first of all, I need to know when was the last time you slept." Steve asked him.

Bucky couldn't remember," I… I don't know. I think it was that time, when the world was still on war, and you and I were just two simple soldiers" Then he looked at him, he had changed so much "Well, when I was just a simple soldier."

Steve laughed "I know what you mean. That time when the world was simpler. Well.." he said as he rose from the table, "we could start there."

Bucky looked confused " What, in the 1940's?"

Steve laughed again, this time harder, it felt so good to laugh. And Bucky enjoyed hearing his laughter, it was one of the things he missed most about Steve, his laugh. Bucky just smiled, then Steve said " No, no the 1940's it would be amazing, but no. Okay, the second thing we need to do is that, you need to sleep."

"What if I have a nightmare again?" Bucky asked, he sounded almost like a small child, too afraid to go to sleep, thinking that his nightmares will become a reality one way or another.

"That is the reason you are here, because you need my help. Perhaps I don't have the power to stop nightmares, but I can help you deal with them. C'mon Buck, follow me."

Bucky followed Steve into a bedroom, was every part of this damn apartment clean?. They entered the bedroom, Bucky wondered if that was Steve's bedroom, it couldn't be, nothing in this room reminded Bucky of him.

"This is the guest's room, as you can see, I usually don't use it because…well I don't have guests very often. You will sleep here." Steve said. The room was big enough only for one person, it had one window, not with a great view, but it was a good place for Bucky to sleep. In fact, this bedroom was better than the hiding place he was previously.

"Thank you, Steve. Goodnight."

"'night, Buck." Were the last words of Steve as he closed the door and walked directly to his bedroom.

The truth was that, Bucky was really tired. He sat on the bed and placed his hands in the sheets, God it was cold. He decided not to take his coat, he placed his hand in the pillow and was determined to rest, at least for a night. With Steve just a few steps away from him, instead of miles, he should be able to sleep tonight.

How wrong was he.

…...

The problem was not the bed, nor the room, it were the nightmares. Usually, when Bucky had a nightmare he would just wake up and he would not be able to sleep again. This time it was different, he woke up not only covered in sweat, but also screaming. He sounded like if he was in pain, no, like if he was causing pain and suffering to himself. Steve entered the bedroom the moment he heard him screaming.

"Bucky!" Steve grabbed him by the shoulders "Buck! Calm down, you are okay, you are here with me. You are okay."

Bucky was panting, looking directly at Steve _its not real_ he said to himself. When he calmed down, Steve spoke

"Its okay, don't worry. I'm here"

"I'm sorry. Usually its not like this. I woke you up Steve, I'm sorry." Bucky said as he tried to clean the sweat from his face.

Steve had a handkerchief in his hands, he started to clean Bucky's face and hands, they were covered in sweat "Remember, I'm here to help you. Tell me about it, about the nightmare."

"No, I-"

"Then how am I supposed to help you if you don't tell what are your nightmares about? C'mon, Its okay" Steve said as he finished cleaning Bucky's face.

Bucky took a deep breath, Steve was right. The reason he came here was for his help.

He used his metal arm to remove the hair from his face, _I need a haircut,_ he thought, but that was not important right now. He started to speak, "There was a woman, I don't who, but she knew me. And there was a little boy with her, it was probably her son, they both knew me and they were telling me to stop. First, I killed her, while the boy was still watching, then I killed the boy. The last thing I heard was someone saying 'Good job, soldier'. But I could feel their pain, they knew me, And the problem is that I can't distinguish a nightmare from the reality. What if that was just a memory? What if I really killed them? What if they were family?"

Steve paid attention to each of Bucky's words until he finally spoke "Bucky, listen to me, it doesn't matter if what you dreamed was just a nightmare or if it was something that really happened. That was not you, Buck. They used you, I know you, you would never harm innocent people, you are not the villain, but just another victim. Stop trying to pretend you are the bad guy. Did you hear me? Its not your fault." As he finished he caressed Bucky's face with his hands. " Its late, the sun will rise soon. Try to sleep again, at least just for a moment."

And Bucky did as Steve told him.

…...

 _"_ _Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person"_

When Bucky woke up, Steve was not home, he panicked. He couldn't have slept for more than two hours, where was Steve? When he entered the kitchen, he found a note, it was Steve's handwritting

 _Fury called, I had to leave early. I'll be back soon, don't worry._

 _I made breakfast for you, don't know if you like coffee or juice, so there's both.. My home is your home, do anything you want, except breaking stuff. Okay?_

 _-S_

Bucky laughed at the last part. It was a cold morning, so he decided to eat his breakfast and drink coffee. Steve had left him clean cloth. After breakfast, Bucky decided to take a bath and to use the clean cloth Steve left him, he untangled his long hair. Yep, he was definitively going to cut it. When he finished all this he decided to explore Steve's place.

He found many books and started wondering if Steve had read them all already. Bucky entered Steve's bedroom. Each part of his home was clean, but this one was not only clean, it reminded him of Steve everywhere. He had a window here, but this one had a better view, like if in the morning you could see the sun rising and in the afternoons setting. It reminded him of…

The drawing! The drawing he found yesterday on the table.

Bucky continued to explore the room, it smelled like Steve, it felt like him. It felt… good. Was it okay for Bucky to think of Steve in that way? Probably no, but he liked it, maybe Steve will never think of him that way. After much exploring, he found Steve's old sketchbook, he would not get mad if he looked at some drawings. He found a drawing of a couch and a lamp, a bookshelf, a flower pot.

 _Its like he has drawn a house,_ Bucky thought. But it was not this one, the bookshelf that was in the picture was smaller than the one he saw in the living room.

After exploring the whole house, Bucky decided to go for a walk, but not to be late. What would Steve's reaction be if he didn't found him?

…...

Steve arrived early as he had promised Bucky. Bucky was sitting in the couch reading a book.

"Hey" Steve said

"Hey" Bucky replied

Steve had something in his hands, it was a bag. He gave the bag to Bucky.

"I bought you some things."

"Thanks." Bucky opened the bag and found clothes, a new coat, a scarf and a pajama.

"You went shopping?" Bucky asked, almost laughing.

"It was a difficult task, since I don't know what size are you. Your favorite color is still red?"

"Yeah, it is." Bucky said smiling. Steve still remembered his favorite color.

"Difficult to say, since all the cloth you wear is black."

"In that case, I would say that your favorite colors are blue, white and red. Right, Cap?"

"Funny, just blue."

They both laughed.

…...

That night, Bucky had a nightmare again, but Steve was there with him and they made the same thing that last night. Even though they didn't slept in the same room, Steve will always come running to Bucky's room and they would start to talk about the nightmare, Steve will remind him that it is not his fault and Bucky will understand.

Steve would make him feel different, he felt safe when Steve was around. He felt something for Steve, of course he was his best friend. But there was something more, he decided to ignore it. Probably Steve felt nothing like that.

Days passed by and Bucky could finally sleep, he had no more nightmares. Talking with Steve was of big help.

Steve felt good helping Bucky; he finally had his best friend back.

Bucky could finally sleep without a nightmare for a whole month, until one night, he woke up from a nightmare he could not even describe to him because, the nightmare was about him.

He dreamed that Steve died. This time Bucky didn't woke up screaming, it was midnight. He was covered in sweat.

 _Steve, I can't…_

At least this time he knew that this was a nightmare, because Steve was on the other room. He rose from the bed and decided to go to Steve's room. He realized he was just wearing the pajamas Steve gave him. When he entered Steve's room, he was sleeping in his bed. Damn, it was cold

Steve realized Bucky was there.

"Buck, you okay? Another nightmare? "

"Yeah. I know it has been a month already, but they are back."

"Well, at least now we know how to deal with them." Steve said as he sat on the bed, making space for Bucky to join him.

"Okay, tell me about it. What was it this time?"

Bucky could barely talk about it "You. It was you Steve. I killed you."

Steve only looked at him.

"Buck, I'm here. You are here with me, that will never happen. You've changed, you are my best friend and I know you will never do something like that."

Bucky stared into Steve's deep blue eyes, moonlight entered through the window to make Steve's face appear like if he was glowing. It had been a month and a half since Steve started helping him. Who else would have done that?

He realized that he needed only one thing: Steve. He needed Steve in his life, Steve felt like home, if he was with Steve he would always be in the right place.

After much staring at each other, Steve grabbed Bucky's hands in his own " You're cold"

"Metal arm, remember?"

"I know" Steve laughed

He loved it when he laughed. How could he pay to Steve everything he had done for him? Bucky looked at him again, closer this time, he putted his hands in Steve's face, bringing him closer to him. Close enough until he finally kissed Steve. Even though it was cold, Steve's lips were warm and soft, He pulled back to get air.

"I'm sorry." Bucky said, "I just wanted to thank you for everything you have done for me, not only helping me with my nightmares. But for everything you have done for me. Its okay if you don't want to keep helping me now, if you want to, I will leave right now and-"

"Shut up, Bucky" Steve said and he kissed Bucky, this time it felt like a real kiss, because their lips were both moving. Bucky placed his hands around Steve's neck to pull him closer, and Steve placed his hands in Bucky's waist. The kiss was perfectly synchronized now. They fell to bed, Steve on top of Bucky and they continued to kiss. It felt so warm, so good, that it was difficult to let go. When they finished, Bucky said

"We've never done this before, right?"

"No. Why?"

"Because I would have remembered"

Steve kissed Bucky's forehead and then he said "Its cold, do you want to sleep here today?"

"Just for today?" Bucky asked laughing

"Sleep here every fucking night you want to."

And they curled together in bed. When they were falling asleep, Bucky said

"Steve?"

"Huh?"

"I wanted to ask about your sketchbook. I saw some drawings that kind of looked familiar to me, its like you have drawn a home."

"The things I drew there," Steve said as he touched Bucky's hair "were the things in the old home we shared in Brooklyn"

That is why they looked familiar

Steve continued to stroke his hair until Bucky finally said "Stop it, I am considering cutting it off"

"Don't you dare to cut your hair. I like it"

They both laughed

"If you like it, then I won't cut it"

Since that night, they slept together in Steve's room, Bucky never had a nightmare anymore. He felt good, safe, he felt… complete. No matter the place where he is, as long as he is with Steve, he would always feel like home.

 _"_ _Home is any four walls that enclose the right person"._


End file.
